Blog

Finding Your Parenting Path

September 23, 2016

In most cases, bringing a child into your family takes some time -- time enough to dream about the life you’re about to lead. Nearly everyone imagines how they’ll parent. Who hasn’t started a thought (or even said out loud) “When I have a child, I’ll never…” or “Once I’m a parent, I’ll always…” Before having a child, entertaining such thoughts might seem like fanciful fairy tales, but they are a normal part of the progression toward parenthood. Our ideas about raising children help us give shape and color to our future and, then, to the day-to-day experiences that come with caring for kids.

But when two parents are along for the ride, you may have two different versions of those fairy tales -- and that simple fact can become the source of very common conflict.

Here’s a quick list of some topics that can trip up even the most committed parenting couples:

  • Sleep-sharing
  • Responding to a crying baby
  • Discipline measures
  • Gifts for children

Most likely, you’ve been offered a lot of well-meaning advice on topics like those and others, from friends and family, co-workers, even strangers in public places. You have arrived, indeed, at The Parenthood! Some people may take the notion about how “it takes a village to raise a child” just a little too much to heart. And, of course, there are the double-edged offerings of the Internet -- so much good stuff out there that it’s easy to feel trapped between great (or scammy) ideas. No wonder some of the busiest online networks are catering to confused parents

Between all the great advice and fabulous ideas the world is tossing your way every day, there’s a little island of refuge within The Parenthood: Your own family’s parenting path. At least, there can be!

The first year of parenting is the hardest, hands down. Part of the challenge nowadays is knowing which of the items on that Parenthood Information Buffet are genuinely fulfilling versus those that seem tasty yet are really just filler. But how will you know which is which? And just where is that lovely path of your family’s very own?

The key is communication with your child’s other parent. (And we know that’s often not as easy as it sounds.) Start on this connection project as early as you can -- even before the child arrives in your home, if possible. Start by knowing where your own ideas are coming from:

  • Was this the way your parents did things?
  • Is this what you’re seeing from other new parents around you?
  • Is there a “parenting guru” whose advice resonates strongly within you?
  • Did you pick up this idea somewhere along the way and you don’t recall where?

Separately list your parenting ideas and group them in categories like

  • Things That Must Be Done
  • Things I’m Not So Sure About
  • Things That Should Not Be Done

Then share your lists and find the areas where you agree and the ideas that are conflicting. Next, aim for compromise. Focus more on finding ways to get things done “lovingly” rather than just “right.” Don’t let your relationship get bogged down in these parenting “do’s and don’ts” -- without a doubt, children benefit when their parents are on the same page.

Finding Your Parenting Path