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Female Sexuality: Part 1 "The Mandonna/Whore Complex"

 

October 5, 2016

 Female Sexuality: Part 1: "The Mandonna/Whore Complex"

An honest conversation about female sexuality rarely occurs. I often see women being put into two categories when it comes to sexuality. They’re either the Madonna (virgin) or the whore. There doesn’t seem to be much room for a middle ground. A woman can embrace her sexuality, but this puts her at risk of being labeled as “slutty” or “promiscuous.” It seems that women who are sexual receive negative messages from several directions and are often made to feel bad about their choices. Men who acknowledge their sexuality, on the other hand, tend to be celebrated. And this begs the question: Who are these guys having sex with? If a woman doesn’t embrace her sexuality the same way a man does, she is seen as more pure and respectable. The truth is, she could be denying an important part of herself. Women who deny their sexuality tend to have an overall negative view of sex, which may eventually affect any relationships they enter. (Don’t get me wrong, though. Waiting to have sex until marriage or a committed relationship is different; such a postponement isn’t the same as denying one’s sexuality.

 

Interestingly, many of our male clients complain about the lack of spice in their sex life. They blame their partner for being unwilling to experiment or try new things. In many cases, what we learn is that these men consciously chose a woman for a long-term partner who was less sexual than women they had dated on a more casual basis in the past. Unfortunately, many men have a tendency to assess the chances that a woman will be faithful or be a good mother by drawing a correlation between that and her sexuality—in other words, they make an unfair and incorrect association between “being less sexual” and “good long-term partner.”  Sadly, what often ends up happening in the long run are feelings of dissatisfaction and frustration on the part of both partners.

 

Both men and women need to gauge the importance of all the qualities that make another person a potential long-term partner. Having comparable levels of sexuality carries more weight than many people realize. Sex is meant to be enjoyed by men and women alike, whether it’s within a casual or a committed relationship. We do more harm than good by categorizing women —especially when the category is basically that of a commodity. The more men and women can do to embrace female sexuality, the more satisfied and fulfilled we all will feel.

Female Sexuality: Part 1